“When you talk about guns you always hear a lot about the Second Amendment and the Founding Fathers, and what they would say if they were here. Well, I for one think that if the Founding Fathers were here today, they would be super freaked out by cars. You can talk to them all you want about the Second Amendment, and they would just yell, ‘What are all these metal beasts doing rolling down the thoroughfare?’ And you’d tell them, ‘Those are cars’. And then you’d try to talk to them about militias and they would scream, ‘How can you speak of militias when steel dragons fly through the sky?’ And you’d say, ‘Those are airplanes.’ But even if they could wrap their heads around that they would eventually ask, ‘Why are all the slaves out?’ And they would think that. You can groan all you want, but they would think that.
And yes, the Founding Fathers wanted you to have the right to bear arms, but the guys who wrote that would pee through all eight layers of their pants if they saw what guns are now. In 1787 shooting a bullet was slightly faster than throwing one. If you wanted to be bulletproof in 1787 you put on a heavy coat. So with that in mind, I’m all about Americans having guns as long as they’re the muskets from 1787 that take forever to load.”
But how about Amy Poehler predicting your future this week?
We know what your future holds.
This week, the TCGS gang is very happy to predict your future for you. When the show goes live on Wednesday, call us up at 212-757-1393. Tell us some facts about your past. Tell us some perceptions about your present. We will take that information, discuss it, and predict your future.
I promise that we will be right 100% of the time. History will prove us correct.
Color in the UCB Chelsea theatre in Abbi Jacobson’s coloring book!
Abbi Jacobson is an actor, writer, and illustrator. She is one-half of the cult web series Broad City. She also published 2 coloring books, in which you can joyfully color in the UCB Chelsea theatre! Available now on Amazon and in stores.
I really like the UCB Theatre. I also really like Abbi Jacobson. Classy, cool gal.
Someone named Christopher Russo just posted this on my Facebook wall:
“Hi I love your page a lot by the way I am a hero because I saved someone that got stuck in a subway train door please share this too so that everyone knows I am a great person.”
When I clicked on his profile picture, I saw that he’d won several medals in the Special Olympics. So it seems that not only is Christopher a hero and a great person, but he’s also a great athlete. Here’s your post, Christopher. You’re awesome.